


unable to cope

by santanico



Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, College, Comfort/Angst, F/F, Female-Centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-08
Updated: 2013-09-08
Packaged: 2017-12-25 22:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/958565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/santanico/pseuds/santanico
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She can’t help that she wants to kiss. It’s in her nature.</p>
            </blockquote>





	unable to cope

**Author's Note:**

> in an attempt to bring more femslash to ao3, i'm going all out. everyone should write more femslash! and if you feel like it's not so great, publish it anyway. a written draft is better than a good idea.
> 
> this was for a prompt from an anonymous tumblr user: caroline/elena and swimming pools.

The school has an outdoor swimming pool, which remains both a blessing and a curse for Elena at least. It’s a blessing in that now she and Caroline have something to do on the lazy afternoons after their first couple of classes – both of them are usually charged with energy but there’s nowhere to run and, in truth, very little to do. For Elena, college hasn’t been that much of a challenge. Freshmen classes feel like being a senior all over again – though maybe earlier, before the disaster of her death changed everything.

The first day they decide to visit the swimming pool proves to Elena that she may have some self-control issues.

“What do you think?” Caroline is absolutely trusting, having completely forgiven Elena beyond what Elena would think was capable, even of Caroline. She could have killed Caroline, and she remembers clearly threatening her mother. It’s a sad memory. Caroline has all but forgotten it, and her smile is genuine as she twirls slightly.

Elena looks. More than looks, she stares. Caroline’s swimsuit fits her perfectly, hugging her waist and hips. It’s a one-piece but it opens at the sides, two circles in the fabric that expose her toned skin. The suit is white, lined with periwinkle blue fabric at her hips, waist, thighs, butt, and back. Elena can’t help that her eyes wander as Caroline turns, showing off the open back of the suit. It fits her almost perfectly, unbelievably, and the tie around her neck is the same blue as the lining. Elena imagines if she pulled the knot apart that the fabric would loosen just slightly around Caroline’s breasts.

“You look amazing,” she says earnestly, clearing her throat. Caroline is still smiling in bare feet, standing in the middle of their dorm room. She turns and eyes herself in the mirror, nods in agreement, and then catches Elena’s gaze in the mirror. “You should get changed. I haven’t seen your suit.”

Elena clears her throat, shifting in her seat at her desk. “Um…”

Caroline pops her hands up over her eyes, still grinning. She then removes her hands and hops onto her bed, giving Elena an earnest smile. “It’s fine. I’ll close my eyes.”

Elena swallows and nods and Caroline puts her hands back up. She keeps entirely still on the bed and Elena carefully opens her top drawer, up against the wall next to her desk. She rummages towards the back, finally pulling out her swimsuit. It’s more basic than Caroline’s, and she can barely think to look at it. Two-pieces, a colorful bikini top and the bottoms are shorts. She leaves the suit sitting on top of the rest of her underwear and bras, and undresses quickly, turning around when she gets down in her underwear. Caroline isn’t looking, and it wouldn’t make a difference if she did, but Elena still feels self-conscious in a way she can’t quite explain. She unclips her bra almost silently and steps out of her panties in two quick gestures, trying not to be obvious. She doesn’t even want Caroline to be aware of what’s happening, but she also doubts that Caroline is even thinking about the fact that Elena is undressing at all.

She sighs under her breath and tugs the shorts up her legs and thighs. The swimsuit still fits snuggly but comfortably, and when Elena sneaks a glance in the mirror she feels confident about it. She’s surprised by her own bare breasts though, and quickly looks away, grabbing the top and hurrying to get it fit.

Caroline’s hands are still held stiffly over her eyes, but she doesn’t say a word of complaint.

“Okay.”

Caroline gets off the bed, still smiling readily, and doesn’t say anything except, “Ready to go?”

Elena nods. Caroline grabs her towel.

-

Caroline immediately jumps in the pool. No, she doesn’t jump, she dives from the deep end. It’s a giant pool, could be Olympic sized for all Elena knows (she’s pretty sure it isn’t), and there’s even a diving board on the deep end of the pool, which goes down 10 feet. It’d be scary if Elena didn’t know she couldn’t drown again. Well, she could, but she’d wake up afterwards, guaranteed.

Which is perhaps scarier than simply drowning. She stays in the shallow end, to say the least, swimming back and forth slowly.

Swimming seems useless now though, when all it takes is one strong kick of her legs and she could be on the other side of the pool, touching Caroline, surprising her.

Touching Caroline seems like such a good idea.

Except then, when Elena isn’t even thinking about it, Caroline is touching her. An arm around her waist, warm in the water, tugging her close. Elena half-squeaks, but her toes are still touching the bottom of the pool. Caroline’s face is pressed next to hers, wet hair touching both of their shoulders.

“Wh-what was that for?” Elena manages to gasp, unable to help that she leans in closer, enjoying the intimacy.

“You looked lonely,” Caroline answers, matter-of-factly, and lets go. She doesn’t swim away immediately, maybe moves a yard or two from Elena, towards the middle of the pool. “And bored,” Caroline tacks on, rolling her eyes up and then grinning. “Come on, we have the place all to ourselves.”

Elena realizes, with eerie suspicion, that indeed they do. An empty pool on a Wednesday, midafternoon. 

She can’t help that she wants to kiss. It’s in her nature.

Caroline stares.

“Are you afraid?”

“Of what?” Caroline asks lightly, not commenting on the darkness in Elena’s voice.

“Of school.”

“No. Why would I be?”

“There’s a lot to be scared of. Isn’t there?”

“Why are you being so weird?”

Elena hesitates. “I didn’t think I was.”

Caroline half-swims closer to her, and Elena closes the gap.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Caroline says gently, sighing. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“There’s a lot to be sorry for,” Elena counters, though it’s a weak argument. Sometimes she feels like her guilt will never end. Why does she get to go to college? She doesn’t deserve it. Not like all the really dead people in her life deserved it. Or deserved to be alive, at least.

“You never did anything wrong,” Caroline whispers, and her hand touches Elena’s waist, barely brushing her in the water. Elena closes her eyes and then bends back, floating on the water and kicking her legs gently until she’s at the shallowest part of the pool. When she stands up again in the water, Caroline is standing still near the middle of the pool, unmoving. Her hands are in the water, at her sides, and her eyes are crystal clear. She isn’t doing anything otherwise, and the sun gleams, frustratingly bright, against the artificially blue water.

Caroline wades her way to the shallowest part of the pool and then takes the steps out. She’s dripping wet, and Elena watches as she begins to squeeze her hair, wringing it out and then flicking the spare water off her hands. Caroline leaves droplets on the concrete and she grabs her towel off of one of the plastic chairs, beginning to dry her body quickly, almost impatiently. 

Elena finally blinks, and then pushes herself up and out of the pool by the edge.

“Maybe we should go back,” Caroline says quietly, her eyes trained at the ground as she rubs her beach towel through her hair.

“Yeah, it’s hot outside.” Elena can feel the twist and turns in her gut, knows that she could block it out if she wanted to. Instead she grabs her own towel and rubs it casually through her hair before wrapping it around her chest, over her breasts. Caroline does the same, almost in unison.

“Your hair’s still dripping,” Caroline points out, glancing up at Elena’s face.

“I know. It’ll dry as we walk.”

They walk back to their dorm room together quietly.

-

That night is like many others, except for the uncalled for electricity. Caroline and Elena get dinner at the student union – Caroline gets a salad and drenches it in dressing, which says to Elena that Caroline is hungry for something else. They do need to restock on blood bags.

What an odd thing to think about while eating. Elena has a hamburger. The meat is overcooked but with enough ketchup, it’s barely noticeable. They make casual conversation over their food, and Caroline makes comments about other kids in their classes. Sometimes they debate whether their casual friends and acquaintances would make good vampires or not, if they would last a day. Then they laugh, because no one knows what they are, or who they are in reality.

Except for themselves.

Elena lies on top of her sheets that night, unable to close her eyes. Sleep is rarely a problem for her, never has been. Exhaustion maybe, but not sleep. She’s always slept well and comfortably, rarely dreamed.

Now she can hear Caroline’s breathing on the other side of the room, hear every shift that Caroline makes on the bed. It’s raining now, pitter-pattering on the window, which Elena’s bed is near. Her feet feel cold, even though outside the air is warm and moist. She tries to close her eyes again, but soon enough opens them.

“Caroline?” she whispers sharply. There’s a hum of a response from Caroline, but nothing else. “You’re awake.” Framed as a statement. Caroline hums again, a little more loudly.

Elena slips out of bed quietly, pushing her blanket off and hitting the floor with a light thud. She moves carefully in the dark and soon reaches Caroline’s bed, leaning over slightly so that their eyes meet.

“Are you okay?” Caroline asks. 

“Sure,” Elena answers, then she starts to nudge at Caroline. Caroline doesn’t grumble or complain, moving closer to the wall instead to give Elena room. Elena crawls into bed without a word and then turns over onto her side, facing the door, her back to Caroline.

Neither of them says anything, and for a long moment Elena thinks Caroline might have even finally fallen asleep. She relaxes until a hand touches her shoulder. That same warm comfort. It reminds Elena of being sixteen years old and jumping into ravines with Bonnie and Caroline, both of their hands clasped in hers. That had been before her parents had died. That had been before she thought she had to care deeply about the lives of those around her.

Instead, everything is consumed by death. Swallowed by it.

But Caroline’s hand is still warm.

“I miss Bonnie,” Elena whispers, thinking about her best friend trapped in shadows. 

“She’ll be with us soon,” Caroline murmurs, presses the words like a promise against Elena’s shoulder, beside the strap of her camisole. Elena tries not to think about those lips right now, not when she’s just mentioned Bonnie. Her chest hurts.

Jeremy still was trying to talk to her. To figure out a way that they can find harmony. What Elena needs now, more than anything, is harmony. Harmony, and friends.

Caroline’s arm wraps loosely around her waist. Elena doesn’t shift away, instead tilting her head back. Caroline’s face is still close to hers, warm breath on her neck. Elena’s eyes flutter shut and her mouth opens just slightly. Caroline’s grip on her waist tightens and then loosens again, and Elena turns her head closer to Caroline’s. 

The kiss feels like a kiss. Elena wouldn’t know how to describe it – the pairing of her own dry, cracked lips to Caroline’s, coated in lip balm after she brushed her teeth. Caroline’s nose bumps her as she moves closer, and Elena finds herself squirming and opening her mouth, wanting to feel it. Wanting to be completely involved.

Caroline pulls back suddenly, their breasts pressed together – Elena has turned over, now facing Caroline completely. Elena can see Caroline’s eyes in the dark, something like guilt that’s clouding her judgment.

“I’m sorry,” Caroline says and Elena shakes her head, bumping their knees under the covers. This time she grabs the nape of Caroline’s neck and pulls her in close. 

“Don’t ever apologize,” Elena breathes, and her fingers find Caroline’s hair just in time for a third, much harder, kiss.


End file.
